Side Right Up
by enternalwings
Summary: On July 23rd, I jumped out of a car. I heard him yell and slam on the breaks. On July 23rd, I sent Uchiha Sasuke to the hospital. Crack.


_Disclaimer: To own something means that you aren't writing FANFICTION._

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><p><em>Up Side Right<em>

_Summary: On July 23, I decided to jump out of a moving car. I heard him scream and slam on the breaks. My body flew out of the car. On July 23, I sent Uchiha Sasuke to the hospital. Total crack._

_Rating: M_

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><p>I began to realize that I had a problem when I found myself standing at the drive through window of Taco Bell.<p>

"Uh, Sir, this is call a _drive _through, meaning you drive in, pick up your food, and then you leave."

I ran a hand through my hair, dragging out a long sigh. "Look, _miss_ whatever the hell your name is. I'm of the belief that I'm the one _paying you _so what does it matter if I go through the drive through without a car? Isn't what I have good enough?"

"You don't drive bikes, sir. You ride them."

"What the _hell's_ the difference, lady?" I screamed, my hands gripping the bottom of the window. The woman backed away as a man came up from behind her. He had some seriously long hair. I almost mistook him for a girl and I just might have if he didn't open his big fat mouth and say:

"Fuck off."

And slamed the window in my face. I didn't even know that it was possiable to slam a freaking window!

From that day forword, Taco Bell was known as Bitch Bell and I labled myself as the mentally unstable.

I mean seriously? Who the fuck stands out in front of the drive through for Bitch Bell demanding food on a bike?

Apperently, I do.

_Uzumaki Naruto._

_Hey you._

_Yeah, you._

_The one with the finger shoved up your nose._

_I hate you._

I blinked down at the letter in my hands. It was the first letter I had ever gotten in my life. Well, _note_ might be the correct term for the thin, cumpled, piece of utter _shit_ that I had in my hands. I know what you're thinking.

_Why the fuck did you keep it?_

Well, to anwser your wonderful question, it was how I meet my best friend. His name is Gaara and I wouldn't be able to tell you his last name if my soul depended on it. His way of saying that he finds someone to be interesting is by telling them that he hates said person.

And yes, he found me to be interesting in the second grade. Joy, Joy. And, yes, dammit, we did things. Gay things. And, No, it didn't destroy our friendship, cause if it did, I wouldn't be sitting in a hospital gown with Gaara sitting calmly in a chair next to the bed. Scratch that. He was so not sitting there calmly. He looked more like he was about to go and murder someone and from the look of it, I would be the first victum on the list.

"What the _fuck_ is wrong with you, Uzumaki." Gaara asked (more like demanded) as his eyes narrowed. He leaned forword, resting his elbows on his legs and his chin on those stupid hands of his.

"What do you mean?"

Gaara was seriously about to kill me.

"What I mean," The redhead growled down at me. "is you fucking jumped out of my car, you jackwagen."

I raised an eyebrow, and slapped a smirk on my beautiful face. "Since when do you care?"

"I don't care. I care that I could have been sued for the result of your stupid actions." He sat back in the chair, his glare never leaving me.

"Why would you be sued? I have no family too sue, stupid." I stated.

"Not you or your dead family." Gotta love Gaara. Always the blunt one. "The guy you ended up colided with."

I rasied my other eyebrow this time. Might as well give it a turn too.

"When you jumped out, you flew back first into a black haired man on a motercycle. You sent him _flying._ His bike fell on you and he fell in a ditch."

I stared at my friend in horror.

"Is he dead?"

Gaara just stared and stared and stared and stared until he finally opened his mouth. "No, somehow he came out unharmed. he just got the breath knocked out of him." He paused for a moment, looking me up and down.

It was then that I noticed that my left arm was broken and I had a cast around my abdomen.

"You, on the other hand, are an idoit. Broke your left arm, cracked a rip, cracked your skull slightly, and knocked your hips out of place. It's a miracle they were able to put them back in place and that you suvived that."

"I didn't even know it was possable to knock you hips out of place, man." I said as I began tugging on the IV in my arm. The thing fucking itches.

"It isn't. I was just fucking with you, you're fine. All the doctors said was that you had a minor concussion and you would be in pain for a few days. That's it."

I picked up the closest thing to me, which happened to be chocolate pudding, and threw it in Gaaras general area. it hit him right in the face and fell down to his lap.

"Get the fuck out, man."

And Gaara left, right after punching me in the arm and taking our note away with him. Which by the way, fucking hurts.

All I fucking wanted was Taco Bell.

I was in the hospital for one more day before they decided to discharge me. During that day, I figured I could get the name of the dude I sent flying into a ditch. An _I'm sorry_ was in order.

His name was Uchiha Sasuke.

Holy Shirt, the guy was hot. I only saw his picture and all I could think of was how I could get the chance to bone this guy.

So, being the fox that I am, I broke a couple of laws and got his address.

Marry Lane.

Ha.

_For he lives on Marry Lane. _

_For I will fuck him on a plane._

I'm a horny basturd. Making up sex songs in my head.

Naw, I'm just insane.

When I finally found where the basturd fucking lived because seriously, who the hell lives all the way out in the middle of nowhere and happens to live in a goddamn manison.

I ring the door bell.

I wait.

I wait.

I wait some more.

I ring the door bell again.

The door flew up and hits me square in the nose. To in which resulted in a nose bleed.

"_What?_!"

"Ah, dude, och." I moaned as I leaned forword, the blood dripping on the ground below me.

"If you're going to bleed, do it somewhere else." He deadpanned.

I ignored him. "Are you Sasuke?" I asked once my nose stopped bleeding.

He didn't answer. I take that as a yes. "I'm Uzumaki Naruto. The guy that sent you flying into a ditch. I came here to tell you I'm sorry."

He stared at me for a while. "Whatever." And he turned and walked back inside.

We talked, I told him I liked him, we talked some more, turns out I went to high school with the guy.

We fucked.

We fucked hard.

Or, I'm the one that shoved my dick up his ass and had him screaming my name and begging for me to fuck him harded.

My name is Naruto and when I met my soul mate, I had jumped from a car and sent him flying.

'Cause thats just how I do shit.

Thank you Bitch Bell.

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><p>Review. Think it was Good? Bad? Worst thing you have ever read in your life? Tell me how I can improve.<p> 


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